Garage Sale Types

  • Posted on: 21 June 2014
  • By: Shawn DeWolfe
We hit some garage sales today. When I go to a garage sale, I don’t know what I’m going to find, but I go anyways. I was immediately reminded of some archetypes of people who show up for garage sales.

The Worm - The Early Bird - If you put out a garage sale start for 9AM, this guy is circling at 7AM. They usually try to worm their way into the sale even if it’s indoors. My wife takes exception to these weasels. I say, “take the crap.” I also refuse to dish out a discount of any sort.

The Children of WalMart - People will buy stuff and want a money back guarantee. Newsflash: all retail has no obligation to return a transaction. These people expect all of the bells and whistles that come from WalMart: a bag, a money back guarantee, change for $100. I swear they expect me to accept MasterCard.

The Immigrant - They show up and try to haggle a bit, then they hand you too little money and walk off with the goods. Do I wrestle an 80-year old Chinese woman to the ground to swap back a dime for a Tupperware bowl? What’s the point?

Lance Armstrong - The Cyclist / Antiquer - I think packrats have a problem. Garage sales attract would-be packrats. What does it say when packrats show up on bicycles? They pedal up, hop off and look at items of all sizes. Then they buy the biggest item and discover they can’t get a chiffarobe home of a ten-speed. Invariably, they make a deal with the garage sale merchant to come back later with a truck or an unfortunate friend to get their good home. The merchant has to keep this crap available and God forbid someone comes along and steals it later in the day.

Gollum - The “One Thing” Person - They show up looking for one thing and only one thing. Do they pine for One Ring? They might as well. “Do you have a plumbing snake?” or “Do you have bird cages?” When I show up at a garage sale, I have a broad idea, not a specific idea, of what I can find. We have run multiple garage sales. The bird cage guys keeps showing up our sales. Next time we do a garage sale, I want to say, “geez-- we had a bunch, but a guy bought the whole bunch of them.”

Last updated date

Friday, September 29, 2017 - 01:50